Emo post

It's being more than a month since the last post. Just a little update on what has been happening.

Work:
I've been travelling about between Penang and Batam so often that I'm getting sick of it. Travelling alone gives me ample time to ponder and consider what I really want and enjoy the freedom that comes along with it. However, with every positive thing comes a negative part. Simply put it.. Being alone and lonely is the same thing, only difference is how you perceive it. Perplex is the word to describe how I'm feeling and I'm actually feeling rather lost recently. Am I enjoying the work? I don't think so. Am I suffering there? I don't think so. But I'm really getting tons of opportunities to try out and liberty for me to execute what I want to do. Personally, I feel I have not achieved what I want to do and I'm at a loss of what I can do to make it better. That feeling sucks.. Totally.

I've being getting along very well with one colleague and that's partly causing me to feel slightly better within the company. Really... colleague-colleague working relationship plays a major role in work. However, the rest of them? I feel it's really too cliche. colleague and nothing more. It's sad, but that's work life. From the way I'm working now, I know I'm not putting in 100% and that's no good and I don't feel fully utilised. But that leads me to another thing. What am I really good at? I've asked myself that recently and I can't answer it.. how sad. You don't know what you are good at and you don't know where you will excel? Living day by day as it passes.

The clock is ticking, the age is catching up.. Every second gone is every second wasted. You have such high dreams and are you taking any steps to get closer to it?

Others:
Sometimes things can get a bit mundane. And it is up to individual to spice it up. If you think it's boring, it WILL be boring. If you think it can be fun, it WILL be fun. Which side do you stand on?

Humans:
It's only natural for us to sought for like minded people, cos we click together well. It's more easy going as we don't have to accomodate much to them as they are like us, basically it makes us feel more at ease and comfortable. Birds of the same feathers flock together and that's so true.

Personal:
I feel I've reached the same stage as I was in a couple of years ago. I feel that similar things are on-going on my side. I feel that things may not turn out that smoothly eventually. There are a lot of differences and there are some unhappiness which has never been mentioned. Can it really remain submerged all the way? Or would it be like the magma hiding under the crust of the volcano? I fear for it.

I thought I was ready for it. But some things made me feel otherwise. Can I live with it? Perhaps so, because it seem all so well so far. Will I be happy with it? Perhaps... well.. maybe not.. in the long run.

I think I need time..
A lot of time for myself.. just to sit down and think about nothing..
I haven't been getting that for a long while. Even when I'm alone, my iPhone is accompanying me. never really alone... just like now. Many a times, it is because you don't get enough attention from someone/things, you spend your time searching for it as replacement elsewhere.

Importance:
What is important to me? It is clear to me what are my priorities when it comes to management of time. What is important to you? It doesn't seem that clear to me, and at times it seems it isn't balance. When one puts in 100%, the very least that is expected is 85% I suppose. It can be felt, believe it or not. When it comes naturally or when you need it and then call upon it.

At times I don't know how to talk about it. It's just weird. I've been more vocal at work, but I've become quieter away from work. A tradeoff that just happened?