Religion

These thoughts flow through my mind while studying.. may be a bit offensive to religious ppl.

Was thinking about my personal faith and belief.. It's a little odd. Most ppl have a religion, some gain strength from it, some gain personal belief, some feel at ease with it. so many factors and plus pts to it... why am I still an atheist myself? I don't know.. family is a buddhist-taoist background, family influence is a major factor. But i do feel a bit guilty that I'm merely going thru the motion at times when my mum ask me to offer the joss stick or pray. It's not coming from within me, why am I still doing that ? Just so as not to disobey them.. I don't see any harm in doing so, and if it keeps the family harmonious, I don't see why not. How long am I able to maintain in such a situation? hmm...

Being a practical person, I see no need for me to borrow strength from anywhere else, cos all comes from within myself. Yes, it's a bit of a high-ego and self centred to say that, but seriously, the person within me is the one that keeps me going no matter what. Self motivation is the most effective tool. At least that's what kept me going throughout the tormendous 42km, the relentless 5 day outfield without rest, etc. The list can go on and on.. I work hard for myself, and not for others. Who I am is determined by the things that I do, not by what others govern me.

Granted that some people are really helped by the " presence "of God's power. Good for you. For you have faith in it that keeps you going. He's someone that has never appeared before but miraculously helped you get back to your feet in one way or another. How does it do it ? no idea.. but it just happens. So if there's really a god somewhere, what happens to those ppl who don't believe in it? ppl like me, will I suffer just because of that? or only when I do something evil then mishap will befall me. No one would ever be able to answer that. Cos life is just unfair. so many examples have been happening around us, nice ppl who engages in lotsa social work( Princess diana), ppl who have done wonders, ppl who have been loyal and faithful, may just meet an accident and pass away. So is that justified? What's the reasoning given for their death? accident? how come they have done so much good things, but yet god didn't save them and let them die. or in some case, where ppl believe that god created everything, why did he want the person to die in the first place?

I just find it funny that those who believe god created everything, still pray to him when mishap happens. If he really wanted it to happen, no amount of praying would help. To test if you are loyal to him? This was what I heard from some friends.. I've got a fren's dad who pass away from liver cancer, he was a really devoted religious person, but still the demon caused by the mutation had taken his life. would you say he was not loyal? that would be very rude to say that.

Science vs Religion. is an ever going debate that can never be fully justified. No side has being able to affirm a stand that solid that is able to turn the table around. Even science has it's loop hole. The universe, how did it came about? The big bang ? Really? how do they know? Its all postulation. You tell me it's god created. Really? how do you know then? Whatever the case, it's never going to be answered. There are just too many what if, and too many uncertainity in life that has cast doubt over us.

Just believe in what you think is best for yourself. If it brings you wonder.. You are lucky to have found the right one.. Perhaps, it's really true.. who knows..