Future

Had a talk with sis over the mahjong table last night. Was playing mahjong when she suddenly raised the issue and said " Are you sure you want to go into life Sciences? Do you know how lowly paid it is? " I was quite taken aback. Curious to know why she said that, I ask how low is she refering to. She said 2.1k, for guy with bachelor with merit, So 2nd Upper should just be a little bit higher. That isn't that bad, BUT the pay increment is only a mere $50-80 a yr. This is ridiculously low. Comparing to a teacher with the same qualification( 2nd Upper ), easily 3k basic, with a pay increment of $200-300 a yr.

Was really shocked to find out about the condition of the market. If comparing to an army officer, it would be around 3.5k basic for first yr, and hit 4k by the second yr if nothing goes wrong.

Its really disturbing to find out about this fact. Many ppl have said that money isn't everything, it should be the passion that keeps us going. Totally agree, but when weighing the pros and cons, its a hard decision to make. Am I willing to work long hours in the lab, and do something I think I may like for that small amount? Will I be able to tolerate teaching, or even a P.E teacher, cos the social life of a teacher is really small, Constricted. Or even return to the Army, staying in camp 5 days a week, burning any weekend without any choice? Or work in some company with totally no relevance to my degree? Or... Or....

There are just so many possibility and I'm really in a confused state. Its a major turning point in my life which will play a HUGE role in directing me to my future. What do i really want? Making just enough for a simple life ? Earning slightly more, so that I can lead a more comfortable lifestyle? Or banging to earn big bucks and live a luxurious life? Perhaps the last one is not a matter of choice. Depends on luck and opportunity.

I've once thought that I would be happy to lead a simple life, leaving in a small HDB flat, have a happy family. Since I was 9, I was set on going into Research as my then dream was to find out the way to " reduce / cure cancer " That's a dream... Will it come true? I don't know.

Since young, its being in me to help the others, and I want to bring the sufferings of the others to an end if possible. The only small little contribution from me now is the blood donation. At least allowing others to fight against it and have a chance of survival. Regardless whether its Leukaemia or other accidents. It pleases me when I know I can help and save others.

I've been working towards that for a long time. Choosing Triple Science in Sec 3, over pure Geog, Choosing Triple Science in JC 1 over Geog and Econs. My other interest actually lies in Geog. So choosing that was sacrificing something that I like for my ambition. Now, I'm almost there, getting into Life Sciences and just one more step : to do well and get into a research firm.
In JC, I was suffering and stumbled a few times. Chose to drop Physics early into Yr 2 as I was quite confident that I'll go into Life Sciences.

This path has been quite tough actually, its even harder to take it when you are so close to it, making so much sacrifices along the way, only to find that the choice that I've made 6 yrs ago may not have been a good one. What have I done?

Who won't want to live in a comfortable lifestyle? Given a chance, anybody would take it. But at the expense of what? dreading the work? the working hours ? Or would I find another sense of enjoyment from there instead ? I even dreamt of racking in big bucks and buying 2 semi-d side by side, with my sis taking a unit, and me taking the other one. All these are just dreams...

To be back to reality is to find out about the crude fact of life and the sucky situation I'm in now. With the lousy results, its almost impossible to change and get a course that I would like to study. Most likely will stay in Science fac, but to major in which, I'm not sure. Though I've lived with the theory " Don't regret something that you've done, cos you have learnt and gained something from that too. You won't have known this was a mistake if you didn't do it in the first place. Learnt from it and don't repeat it. "

Honestly, I really kind of regret to be such a sucky situation. Spending so much time and effort with my ex. Detrack from my studies. And land up in what I am today. But I don't regret taking up all the CCAs, cos its part of my character development. It has made me who I am as a person. Kinda contradicting to my own theory, I know. So I've learnt from that mistake and I won't repeat it in Uni again. Relationship will NOT be one that will affect me. I'd rather remain as single and focus.

What should I do now? I'm really lost. Which path should I take now? what type of lifestyle am I looking at in the future? Its all inter-link. Really confused. Am I really willing to slog my whole life? Don't think anybody would be able to give me an answer, other than myself. There's simply no time for me to spend some quiet time myself to think it through now, cos my usual cool-out and thinking place is at one corner of Pasir Ris beach where I'm left alone, accompanied only by the waves. Its just seems to be the place where I'm really at ease and my thoughts can be cleared.

Turning 21, supposed to be a happy occasion, But with such a turning pt in life, Its making it tough. Not a smooth sailing path so far. how will I fare in the future? Calm or meet with storms along the way?